I never wanted to be caught up in the crossfires of my parents divorce. At the very least, I didn't need everybody on my twitch stream last night to hear through my microphone another one of their dumb arguments. I mean it took me a minute to realize, "Solomon! You slept with my sister!" And "Fine Sophia! Why don't you just drown yourself in your wine!" wasn't actually part of the game I was playing.
Sometimes I'm at a loss for words when it comes to their arguing. I'm constantly being put in this awkward position, where I can't invite my friends over. And even if they did drop by, at this point, I'm sure they're just as tired of hearing the bickering back and forth about who's in the right, and how the other completely ruined, "our marriage." It's just easier to talk online.
I made myself this elven prince with blonde hair with a unicorn for my companion. I know it’s pretty much what Urge did with her avatar as well. But it’s not like there’s a copyright on mythical creatures or anything here. I mean if she can get three million people to follow her on twitch with her avatar, I can get more than the three followers I have currently on here as well.
I guess I really shouldn't be that upset at Mom and Dad. If it wasn't for both of them trying to buy my love, I would've never been playing my PS4 from Dad on my 42" flat-screen from mom. I just don't think they understand what they're doing to me. Do they even know what it's like to be the girl in every cringe meme floating around school? Of course it's all because my loving parents think throwing plates into each other's faces is going to help clarify their point of view, especially in the background of my webcam while streaming.
The memes are just a moment, but now my life is that one moment. I mean, I get the joke, but I just want to live my life. I don't need everyone to judge me just for a goof. And I don't want to be the laughing stock of my senior year of high school and end up all alone.
I wish I could just be like Urge. I mean I would literally sell my soul just to be that girl, even for a day. She's always so polished, always has perfect makeup on, and I've never seen her crouch over her keyboard like a rat in a cage. I mean, just imagine having hundreds of thousands of followers use your screenshot for their bedroom posters, instead of making fun of your face because your parents make you cringe.
Of course, it's a crime if I make a single complaint to either of them about how they're basically ruining any chance I have at a social life. To be fair, I never really hated mom. It just became impossible to talk to her about anything. The one time I brought up the fact that she turned me into a meme, she was so drunk I almost wanted to slap the hell out of her. I’m not sure what I was thinking, talking to her like she was sober enough to understand a coherent thought. She was clearly drinking as if she had just ransacked the local liquor store and was attempting to get rid of the evidence. And of course dad wasn’t much help when he was out working his second job to pay for mom’s home bar tab.
That was definitely one of those nights I had to crash over at Aunt Beleth’s house. Luckily she lived only a couple of miles down the road. And mom wasn’t about to use the jeep any time soon anyway. So I grabbed the keys, headed out down the road, and just had to deal with dad’s phone call whenever he got back home.
It felt nice to clear my head through the crisp Alaskan air. Even though I was pretty much shivering off the little excess body fat I had while wearing my favorite vest coat and a pair of jeans, It felt better to finally hear something other than the sound of either of my parents at this point. Sometimes, when the moon was full, you could see its reflection bouncing off the snow mounds onto the smooth white sheets between the trees. It was like shadows of the wind that swirled those mounds together and pushed dimples into the surrounding temporary landscapes. A part of me was content with the drive alone. If only I sneaked some gas money away from mom, I probably would’ve just kept driving til I got dad’s phone call instead of driving to Aunt Bel’s.
I always liked Aunt Bel though. She was the type of woman who knew how to make an entrance, and always had such amazing taste. She has the most beautiful house I’ve ever seen. I would go over there as a kid over the summer and catch butterflies in her garden. She would take pictures of me and make a scrapbook with them and the butterflies that we would catch. They were always so pretty, but I felt sad every time one of them would die.
One evening, before the divorce, my parents and I went over for dinner. I remember I was pretty excited because dad told me aunt Bel had made a couple pies for dessert, and I was going to be able to try apple pie for the first time. I had never even had pie before, but dad told me it was one of his favorite desserts growing up, but had never had hers before either. Mom was quiet, she always was back then, before the drinking. But I remember even though we were all together, she still looked like she was holding back tears.
I felt my phone vibrate and I figured it was dad. I didn’t want to look to find out right now when I was almost there. Or at least, I thought I was. I started going around a bend, I didn’t quite recognize. I must’ve missed the turn. I had passed the gym, but already hit the construction site up ahead where they were building the new houses. I was about six miles past where I should've turned into Aunt Bel's driveway. I must’ve been wrapped up in my head. I didn’t even notice the landmarks I usually do. Luckily there was a spot to pull over right ahead, I could give dad a call back. At the very least, I should probably give aunt Bel and heads up I was on my way over. She never really minded that I would stop in every now and then. But I also never really wanted to be one of those people who just show up unannounced at someone’s door.
I pulled over and pulled out my phone. I had a message on my twitch, I don’t remember setting it up on my phone though. But no call from dad, or anyone else for that matter. I probably left my twitch up and running again. This is why nobody follows me on there except people looking to get a good shot for their next meme. I really have to stop streaming before I leave the house. Still, I didn’t even remember downloading the app. I let out a sigh and looked into the forest that was in front of me surrounding the construction site.
Off in the distance, I could see a pack of wolves that were playing with each other. It almost looked like they were playing tag the way they were going back and forth. I’m not sure I ever heard of animals playing tag. Sometimes I wonder if maybe we’re actually not really playing tag either. Maybe deep inside in our animal brain, we’re really training on how to run away from monsters that were real at one point, but now we’ve become so disconnected from our evolution, we wouldn't recognize those monsters even if they were right in front of our face. Maybe we really become the monster’s we’re trying to run away from in the first place.
I dialed Aunt Bel’s number, but it was busy. So I shoved the phone back in my pocket, and turned around. As soon as I got to the driveway, I could feel my phone vibrating again. This time, I figured it had to be Dad, I’d just pick it up when I get inside. By the time I got to the top of the driveway, my phone stopped ringing. I put it in park, and reached over to my book-bag in the passenger seat when through my passenger window I could see inside the living room to the house.
I couldn’t believe it. I saw Aunt Bel and my Dad kissing each other. My heart started thumping. I didn’t know if they saw me, but I knew I wasn’t supposed to see them. I threw the car into gear and peeled back out of the driveway. I was done with this. I couldn’t believe that after everything he put mom through with them going to counseling and after she took him back from the last time he did this, mom still drove him to go and do the same thing behind her back.
I'm always sticking up for Dad, but I don't know if I can justify this. I knew he had cheated on Mom on new years eve. We were all at aunt Bel’s house with a bunch of my parent’s friends from work or wherever old people meet up from. I couldn’t go out to my friend’s party, because you need to have friends who are willing to invite you to those things in order to go. It was around one o’clock, when I was heading to bed in one of the guest rooms when I walked into the wrong room and saw my dad and my aunt Bel doing more than kissing. I couldn’t help but scream out and wake up mom who was already passed out in the room across the hallway.
I know mom tells me that it’s not my fault that she found out about the two of them. But it doesn’t really matter what she tells me when she looks at me the same way she looks at everybody sucking the life out of her. I still don’t know what I was supposed to do. They were all drunk. Was I supposed to babysit them to make sure they didn’t do anything stupid like destroy their fifteen years of marriage? After how my parents and my aunt ended up treating me for the past few months after that night, it probably would’ve been easier if I just set the house on fire and watch it burn to the ground from the inside. They all just look at me like I’m the reason why they’re marriage is falling apart. If they never wanted me, they should’ve just went along with the abortion that I was supposed to have been.
I don't even know what difference it makes at this point what any of them do with each other. I honestly don't know how any of them can live with themselves. I know my mom and her sister are twins, and the night it had happened they were all drunk. But I don't think dad's ever felt right about any of it. I know mom has definitely not forgiven him. They haven't stopped arguing since it all happened. Mom just keeps drinking and continues to throw things at dad from when he gets home till when he eventually leaves every night. I guess he never really was going to a hotel when he would leave on those nights.
I just can't take it anymore. I tried to get away from Mom, and I ended up staring directly at the reason why they hate each other. I just started screaming at the top of my lungs. I need to get the hell out of here. I didn’t know where I was going to go. I didn’t care. I just knew I needed to leave.
After a few minutes of driving, I knew I needed to grab more than a night’s worth of clothes. Begrudgingly, I found myself parked in front of my house. I sat outside in the jeep for what was probably at least a half hour trying to just breathe before I went inside. My phone had been going off at least a hundred times. I didn’t want to hear it from anybody right now. I just wanted to go in, bag up as much as I could and leave.
From the second I walked in the door, I could hear my mother belligerently blurting out what most likely were obscenities. I’m sure she thought I was Dad.
“Home late again?” she screamed from the other room. I had really tried to be calm, cool, and collected. But from the second I heard her slurring out her words, I could barely contain myself.
“Can you just shut up for one night? God!" I screamed. Of course mom responds,
"Who are you talking to? I know you're not talking to me in that tone!" Her drunkenness wafted up to the top of the stairs where I was taking my final stand against her.
"You go to your room young lady, and you stay there til kingdom come!”
I stormed down the hallway to my room slamming the door behind me. I just didn't care anymore. She's being so selfish! I was done dealing with her. I started packing.
I had a hotel address written on a piece of paper dad gave me. It was the one that supposedly he was staying at when he wouldn’t be home. When he gave it to me, he told me it was just in case I decided that I had enough. I’m sure I could get them to charge a room to his credit card, or whatever his sugar mama, Aunt Bele gave him for allowance.If only I could remember where I left it. In my defense, my room was a bit disoriented from me throwing everything I could stuff into my suitcase.
I looked everywhere for the paper, when I finally saw it sitting next to my controller that still had the power light on. I looked up to see the webcam on top of my TV still had its light on as well. I couldn't believe I had been streaming that whole time. A rush of blood and panic had set in. I had to log off, but the TV was blank. I guess I had gotten kicked off. To this day, I'm still not sure if I had turned the TV off or not. I went to reach for the power button, when suddenly a message popped up.
It said, 'New Message From Urge.' I couldn't believe it. I know they say never meet your heroes, I’m sure that included talking to them online. not that now was the best time to have a chat with my idol either way. My heart was pounding. I never talked to anybody I ever followed before. I couldn't stop my mind from racing about her probably seeing everything that just happened on camera though. I couldn't believe I was still streaming. I clicked on the read message button and that's when it started to happen.
I don't know how else to explain it, except it felt like I had just hit the top of the roller coaster before the rapid decline. Except instead of being on a roller coaster, I was being sucked into my webcam. It felt like how people tell you what it's like being pulled into a black hole. I'm not sure people go up to you all the time explaining this, and I'm sorry for assuming. But imagine that feeling of being spaghettified and then being compounded into something so small that it's the size of an atom. Except when I came to the other side, I was back to what looked like my original size, but felt like I was atomically falling apart.
There were more brightly lit colors than I could even imagine. It looked like the world was painted in a translucent neon gas and was draped over everything. Everywhere I looked was blinding and simultaneously felt like it was flooding into me. The more I could keep my eyes open, the more vivid and concrete things became. That's when I started seeing what I assumed were other people, but they looked more like mannequins with faces painted on them.
I don't know why it took me so long to realize to figure out I was inside the game I was playing from earlier. Outside of the obvious questions of how I got here, or why I'm here, I just feel dumb for taking more than a few minutes to realize the reality of the situation. But it was at that moment when surprisingly I saw a familiar face. Although it looked a lot more pixelated than I would've imagined it to be before my current reality. At the very least, I pictured us meeting in a lot different circumstance than this. I figured I'd call out to see if it really was her before she got too close.
"Hello? Urge?" I called out.
The mannequin looked directly at me. It was her. She kept waltzing closer like she was in a trance with a blank expression on her face as if she just saw someone get hit by a car. She came within a few feet of me and I expected her to say something to me. But, she just stood there with her hair laid perfectly and clothes as if she had carefully thought through how each of her movements would affect the sway of her get up. She kept getting closer, slightly biting her lip, she leaned in and whispered into my ear,
"I guess me summoning your soul here through your twitch stream finally worked. I've been trapped here for so long. Now I can finally go home to mama." I didn’t realize I could be even more confused than I was when I first got here a minute ago, but I let her continue as she embraced me tighter, tears falling down on my shoulders. "They told me I'd never be able to leave to go back to the real world unless someone came for my place first. They said it was like a game of tag. Someone has to be it, or else it all ends."
She slightly pulled her head back as her embrace felt stronger. We locked eyes. Her pupils looked like flames igniting and a slight smile slid across her face.
"Thanks for coming to save me Demi." And she kissed me.
I felt weak. I had looked up to her for so many years, and she knew who I was. I didn't know what to do though. I didn't know if I wanted her to stop or if I wanted to kiss her back. But as I tried to pull away, her grip became like steel vices. I couldn't move. She wasn't letting me move. I could feel what I can only describe as my soul materializing into the game as I could feel like I was losing every sense I had ever known.
I couldn’t feel. I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t taste. I couldn’t smell. I could only see a resonating light coming off of me until I saw it leave my mouth and start to seep into Urge's lips and mouth. She was literally sucking the essence out of me.
I started to feel my nerves and sensations all rushing back to me, like they had been manipulated into something with less of a visceral feeling to them. I remember faintly hearing Urge whispering something to me with a look of pity on her face.
"Don't worry Demi. This isn't your fault." She told me. But it didn’t really matter what she said, when she was looking at me like she had just sucked the life out of me.
She let go and I collapsed on the floor. I was drained. I struggled to open my eyes as I saw my body morphing into one of those mannequin creatures I could only assume were NPC's of the game. That's when I looked up and saw Urge melting into the sun. The same position in the sky where I came out of into this place, except she was going back to where I should be.
"Now you get to have all of my fans, just like you always wanted."
She called out to me, but I could hear her voice more inside of my head rather than from up where I saw what used to be my essence leave me. I looked around and saw all the other mannequins running towards me. That's when I could hear all their voices inside of my head.
They were all shouting everything and anything. And they all kept talking over each other. I threw my hands over my ears, but it did no good. They were inside of me. I looked up at the sun, and felt tears rolling down my cheeks. It felt like small electrical shocks were pulsing through my face. I could see in the distance, like a picture that's gone through too many filters. Urge and the light- that was once mine- started to slither into my hollow body through my eyes. And then, as if someone snapped my body out of a daydream, I saw myself blink back to reality.
"Demi. Are you still here?" It was dad coming into my room. I tried calling out, but I couldn’t speak. He looked like he had been crying.
"Baby, I just want to say, I'm sorry for everything. I should’ve never let you get in the middle of this mess. You wanna come with me for the night? Your mom said it's OK. What do you say, me and my girl, for old times sake?"
I see my body jump up and give my dad a hug. They spun around so I could see Urge's haunting smile on my face and my head nodding yes into my father's shoulder and her eyes looking directly into the webcam. I could see her looking directly into my eyes,
"I'm always home with you daddy."
To Be Continued...
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